Lost

I pray everyday, every night- whenever and wherever.  For myself, for family, for friends, for ppl who aren't my friends. Most importantly, I pray for you, for us.  My friends know me as fiercely loyal. I play hard, and love just as hard. By sheer will and determination, I get up-get moving-and keep on going even when there has been more times than most that I have wanted to give up. I may be broken. I'm afraid that I won't get over this. I am over-sensitive.  I cry.  A lot.  I love hard.  I am trying to learn my worth.  I am trying to be the best version of me that I can be.  I'm afraid I'm not strong enough.

I know this too shall pass.  I know that eventually this will get easier.  Paths cross all the time.  Maybe yours went to the left and mine was straight.  My faith tells me that ours will cross again.  Time, patience, maybe a lil persistence and a whole lot of tenderness is how.  I'm a Southern girl who's dreams are simple.  Family, Faith and fun. 

I don't want to shut down.  I want to be happy, for u to be happy, for us to be happy.  I woke up and went to bed happy when u laid next  to me.  I fell asleep smiling when u held my hand at night. 

I wish I knew that exact moment when u felt different, when u felt like u needed that extra attention.  I'm afraid that this love was never really there, that I imagined it all.  I'm scared that I will never know happiness or love.  That I have never known these things bc my life didn't teach me them when I was younger. 

I'm terrified that I was the one who pushed u away.  That I somehow caused this.  I truly wish I knew so that I could be ok abt it.  Make peace and stop crying every 5 minutes.  I am a mess.  And I don't know how to do this.  I am not strong enough.  I can't do this. 

Not again.